What does "Odi et Amo" mean?

Odi et Amo - I hate and I love - is a poem written by Latin poet Catullus.

Why is this poem relevant for our blog and how it links back to abusive relationships?

Gaius Valerius Catullus (c. 84 – c. 54 BC) was a Latin poet of the late Roman Republic who wrote poetry, focusing on personal life rather than classical heroes and gods.

Catullus, in many of his poems, wrote about his love, Lesbia.

Why is Catullus is expressing conflicting feelings for his lover, Lesbia?

Odi et amo. Quare id faciam, fortasse requiris. Nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior.

Lesbia was married to another man, Metellus, but she had an affair with Catullus.

In this poem Catullus expresses why he hates and loves her. The poem reads like a conversation with an invisible reader, who is wondering why he hates and loves. Catullus answers that he does not know why, but he feels both and he is tormented by it. Its declaration of conflicting feelings Odi et amo (in English I hate and I love) is renowned for its force and brevity.

In modern term, is this poem a representation of Co-dependency?

I hate and I love. Why I do this perhaps you ask. I do not know, but I sense that it happens and I am tormented.

Catullus is tormented - in Latin excrucior - which is where the English word excruciating comes from. How can love be defined as excruciating, agonizing, unendurable, or dreadful?

Well, if you'd ask me, as a survivor of a co-dependent relationship, the answer is YES. Love can really be obnoxious. And, I am pretty sure, if you are reading this, you might find some analogy to your own personal experience.

The term ‘co-dependency’ is generally used to explain relationships where a person is needy, or dependent upon, another person. But let's not confuse this with just being clingy. In a co-dependent relationship, a person - co-dependent - will plan their entire life around pleasing the other person, or the enabler.

Is this why we don't leave an abusive relationship?

This pattern of seeking completeness is self-fulfilling and generates cyclic behaviours leading the co-dependants to sacrifice themselves for their partner, who is only glad to receive their sacrifices. Like being dragged in a spiral of toxicity, it appears clear how "Odi et Amo" could represent the conflictual feelings when one partner needs the other partner, who in turn needs to be needed. It also explains how it is not easy to leave an abusive relationship. Because alienation works on a deeper level, and it is what needs to be tackled to be able to escape the abuse.