Let's face it: there is no handbook on how to deal with this type of situation. You might have realized you are in an abusive relationship, and you want to leave it.
I have been in an abusive relationship myself for many years. I had a child with my perpetrator and had to leave carrying my 3-year-old boy with me. I was a victim of controlling behaviours, manipulations, and emotional, psychological, financial, and physical abuse. For so long, I felt trapped and dead inside. I even had suicidal thoughts. I wanted to leave long before I managed to do it. And if I made it, I believe you can too.
Always remember you are strong.
What did I have to do to leave an abusive relationship?
Firstly, I sought help. I spoke with many people, including professionals. What seemed impossible just needed good information gathering and a step-by-step plan to execute my escape. All the support listed below is free of charge.
So, let’s get started with a few steps you can take to leave an abusive relationship:
1. Accommodation Hunt:
Many charities in the UK can help you find emergency accommodation, placing you in a more stable living situation. Contacting your local council could also be an option. The staff member was extremely helpful and advised me about a “risk of homelessness application.” I got a flat in 2 days. Holding the key to my future was incredibly empowering.
2. Get Legal Advice:
You might think, "How the hell am I going to do that? I'm broke and need to leave my partner! I have no money for legal fees." If you don’t have economic stability, you can access legal advice with Legal Aid. Most lawyers providing legal aid for domestic violence cases offer a free 30-minute consultation. Make sure you attend the meeting with ready questions on any legal matter you seek reassurance for. For me, it was extremely reassuring just to hear the lawyer tell me I have the right to leave with my child. I am a foreigner and was scared to death and felt lost in a country not my own, where I did not know where to stand legally and with all my family 1,200 miles away.
3. Inform Your Workplace:
If you have a job, speak to your manager or HR. There is nothing to be ashamed of. What you are going through is despicable, and I'm sure there is someone you can trust at work. Get them to help! This is a very serious situation, and work might give you the time you need to deal with these circumstances, taking some stress off your shoulders.
4. Seek Financial Support:
Finding a way to support yourself financially can be daunting. If you have a job, you may have more means to subsist financially. Personally, I left with a child, so I had several routes to explore as a single parent. I found Gingerbread a very exhaustive source of information, where you can also talk to one of the advisors. Otherwise, you could seek help from Citizens Advice.
5. Organize a Support Squad:
This might not be easy and could take a bit of time, but try to gather a group of people who can help you. It could be anyone: friend, family, neighbor, your trusted Tesco employee. I doubt someone will tell you "NO" if you ask them to help you leave your abusive relationship. Trust me, there are way more kind-hearted people than you think in this world.
6. Pack Only What You Need:
The essentials to take with you when leaving an abusive relationship are your kids, your passports, and... that’s all, actually. Everything else is miscellaneous. Of course, if you have time and help, get more items, but remember that loads of them can be replaced. Check out Freecycle, a community of people who are giving and getting stuff for free in their own towns, from appliances to furniture, toys, plants and more. A sort of Facebook marketplace for free stuff.
Remember, this is not a set manual. Every relationship is different. Your journey to safety and freedom is unique, and support is available every step of the way. Drop me a message if you need support.
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